REVIEW: Failure to Launch


Director: Tom Dey


Starring: Sarah Jessica Parker, Mathew McConaughey, Kathy Bates and other people


Plot: oh my god all you have to do is watch the preview! Here: Failure to Launch but if you don't feel like wasting a moment of your life to watch such a pointless minute and a half video, I'll explain it to you now. Mathew's character still lives at home. His parents want him out, so instead of just asking, they hire Sarah Jessica's character to do it instead. Her strategy, make him fall in love with her so that he'll want to move out. Ooooo wow that's catchy! phbbbt. Want me to tell you what happens? I dont have to. You already know, guys.


Critique: Hmmm wow... first off, does anybody think that Sarah Jessica and Mathew look good together? How about, does anybody even LIKE Sarah Jessica or Mathew? Seriously, who "thought up" this movie? SO unorignial. And VERY childish I must say. Perhaps I got it wrong. I thought that this would be a cute little romantic comedy, but what we got here was a ridiculous, immature version of How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days. (Not a bad movie, but cheesy of course.) GASP! Oh my god Mathew was in THAT movie too! HAH! MATHEW! What are you doing?? Get some DIVERSITY in your roles, man! What happened to your Amistad and Contact days? Gosh you were smokin' hot. sigh... such a bummer. Mathew is so cocky. I don't really see him as an ACTOR in these movies because it just seems like he's playing himself in these roles. I only come to that judgement because in the last ten years, he's played nothing else! sheesh... yea I got tired of him in this movie. And petting a dolphin won't change my mind, Matt. (Yes, he pet a dolphin in the movie.)
Miss. Parker, or "Witch Face" as my Aunt says about her, didn't impress me either. I think she's a man. Yes, she has breasts and wears heels... ok whatever I need to see some kind of proof, because I seriously don't think that she is feminine whatsoever. Sorry! I don't mean to sound so awful, but maybe if she boosted her talent skills or chose a different role besides Carrie Bradshaw then.... GASP! She would make a KILLER Peter Pan, wouldn't she?? hahaha that's funny.
Ok, now about the movie specifically. Guys, I'm so TIRED of these cheesy, unoriginal and PREDICTABLE flicks. It just felt so pointless to be watching it, you know that feeling? You know it's not good when you start thinking about everything you need to do tomorrow or how much laundry you COULD be getting done during the film. Bummer. This movie was very childish. Mathew kept getting bitten by small animals, like a chipmunk and a lizard. And it was supposed to be all HILARIOUS or whatever. Maybe to a five year old! Also, the plot was filled with much uneeded information. Like when they included the parents and their problems... who cares!? And how RANDOM! Come on... so disappointing all in all. Cute it a couple places I suppose. Minor jokes here and there, but for the most part, disappointing. PLEASE don't watch this movie, you could be doing so many more things with your life!


Rating: 1/5

WooHoo! Alright it's Spring Break, people. This is awesome. I absolutely love being able to NOT THINK for a week. Very nice I tell ya. Although I do have just a few assignments to do... those teachers. They do it everytime, you know, assign big projects over breaks. Do they actually THINK that we're gonna be doing them throughout the break? For goodness sakes, we don't even think about them until the DAY before we come back, you know? Party-poopers. That's what teachers are... although I would like to be a teacher someday... but you know what? MY assignments over breaks will be, "Catch up on all your movies, and eat as many microwavable foods as you can." How's that? Well it sounds good to me.

Ok, well I've got a couple movies to review. Better get on it. I watched two, one awful, one good, so there's a little balance there. Love you all, talk to you soon!

Love,
Steph

REVIEW: V for Vendetta

Director: James McTeigue


Written by: Wachowski Brothers


Starring: Hugo Weaving, Natalie Portman, Stephen Rea and a bunch more English people.



Plot: So ok, we're set in a futuristic version of England, and it's strictly run by some guy who spits a lot when he talks. This place sucks people. Cops or whatever rule the streets, everyone seems to be under some sort of surveillance, and there's even a stinking curfew! But then this guy in a really creepy mask comes in with his knives and leather boots and begins to show them who's boss. He calls himself V, (Hugo Weaving) and he believes that, "People should not be afraid of their governments, governments should be afraid of their people". Cool, huh!? hahaha well somewhere in there Evey, (Natalie Portman) gets thrown into the mix. At first you wonder what this random pretty girl has to do with anything but eventually the story plays itself out and it all ties in. We're taken into a story of a man seeking vengeance, and results to killing a few people along the way... but does it honorably, and with good intention... for everyone it seems. "Remember, remember, the 5th of November"...



Hmm... where to start. First of all let me point out that the Wachowski brothers also were responsible for the creation of the Matrix, and who didn't love THAT movie? (I'm only referring to the first one here, let's not get into the other ones unless you want to hear a whole bunch of "give me a breaks" and "lay off the green-screens you crazy nerds".) I'm telling you this because Vendetta gave us some similar qualities. Very groovy action of course. Natalie Portman doesn't freeze in mid-air or anything like that, but there are plenty of cool fight sequences and explosions. Also, very awesome job setting the atmospere here. The first future-film that actually seemed like it could be our future. They didn't go crazy and include a bunch of robots and stuff.
Mr. Smi... I mean Hugo Weaving is a fantastic speaker isn't he? I mean, his voice is so smooth and heavy, I love listening to it. It was kind of funny, during the movie I wasn't feeling very well. I had a serious headache and I'm sitting there watching the movie in an IMAX theater. But everytime Hugo would speak (and he spoke a lot), my headache seriously would fade away, but then come back when Natalie Portman attempted her english accent. She's not a terrible actress guys, but I think along the same lines with my Aunt on this one. Why won't she just move her lips!? We KNOW you're talking, just because you're being all "serious" or "mad" or whatever doesn't mean you're expression can't change. But dang, Natalie looked really cute in this film. Even when her hair was shaved off! I wonder how many girls can get away with that. She looked pretty cool. Anyway, Natalie did well I thought, she makes a good heroine. I'm pretty sure this girl will never have any problems getting herself a movie role...ever. But back to Hugo Weaving, poor guy has to take characters with a big huge mask just so people don't associate him to Mr. Smith! (haha kidding.) Excellent actor I believe. I would LOVE to see him in a Shakespeare play or something like that. He'd be a phenominal Hamlet. His character, V, was hideous. I mean come on that mask would scare children! He's wearing a cheesy cape and throws knives. It all just seems pretty silly, doesn't it? Well, Hugo gave it his all, and gave this character personality, and charisma. I was questionable for the first few minutes or so, but I swear I fell in love with this crazy caped person very quick.
Cheesy? Yes. I had to wince a few times when they brought out the whole knife throwing thing. Do we really need all the "swooshes" and "bangs"? And for goodness sakes, ZOOM OUT! sheesh, it got hard trying to figure out who was punching who at times.
I will say, however, that this film never seemed dull. Sure, it was over two hours long but the makers kept us on our toes. They didn't give everything away all at once. We were given bits and pieces of the story throughout, making us curious until the very end. This film pretty much had everything that makes a movie good. It's plot was easy to follow, and intersting to watch as well because it included some very cool philisophical thoughts. And although there wasn't a HUGE climactic ending every action movie should have, there was a pretty neat scene there. And you know, I don't really know what category this movie is labeled in. Is it action? Because I thought it had more. There was drama, mystery and even a little romance. In my opinion, that's what make the best films. (Braveheart has it, as well as Gladiator and The Princess Bride.) I'd watch this film many times over because of that. So yea, very well-done, I'd recommend it to anyone who appreciates good movie entertainment.



Rating: 4/5

Phew! It's so late at night right now... I have no idea why I'm up writing a post! This is nuts...

Ok so yea I'm VERY ready for Spring Break to arrive. Let's GO people! How is it fair that every other college on this Earth had their break last week, but mine isn't until another two!? Someone explain that to me, because I don't get it. I'm exhausted!! I took a speech midterm yesterday and the whole time I was thinking, sigh, a bed and a blanket sounds nice right about now... So yea, time to rest... yet here I am after 11 writing a post... hahah oh well. Don't judge me now... :-)

So... I noticed in a Star magazine today that Brittany Spears is pregnant again, and she's dumping Kevin. OMG SHOCKING!! Not. Come on, was there anyone out there that DIDN'T think that their marriage wasn't going to last longer than a few months? Please... it's all so ridiculous.

Timmy and I haven't been watching our chick flicks!!! I'm going to try and get us back into that routine again. SO fun I tell you. And I think he's actually enjoying the movies so far! We've watched five:

*The Notebook: He didn't just come out and say that he liked it, but I could tell that he did. Or at least, maybe he just didn't think it was as bad as he thought it would be...I don't know.

*Phantom of the Opera: Didn't want to watch this one apparently because the director butchered a few Batman flicks. However once he learned that the director was supervised by Lloyd Webber (the writer), he gave it a shot.

*Terms of Endearment: I think he liked this one because of Jack Nicholson. And I caught him chuckling at a few Shirley McClaine jokes!

*Steel Magnolias: Tim and I agree with this one... Julia Roberts is the biggest dork, and makes herself look like an even bigger dork with the accent she "attempts" in this movie. "Mohmmaa!!! Muy nayils ayint pertty enough!" phbbt, whatever. No, I don't care if you won some Oscar for that role...

Pretty In Pink: I don't think he liked this one. He was really pissed that Ducky didn't get the girl in the end. :-(

Pride and Prejudice: Not the recent movie, but the actual mini- series. Yes, he sat and watched the ENTIRE five hours with me in one night. He and I really enjoyed Colin Farrel, he was funny in this one. Such a loner at the little parties they had, and I'm pretty sure he only has ONE emotion, and I'm not even sure what THAT is. Confused? Sad? Bored? huh...

That's it so far. Next I want him to watch Romeo and Juliet the 1969 version. I like this one because although the acting is extremely cheesy its one of the best versions of Shakerspeare's Romeo & Juliet I've seen. They really SPEAK the words as if they were feeling them, like they MEAN it. Usually when I watch Shakespeare plays in movies, it honestly seems to me that the actors have no clue what they're saying... they've just memorized the words. Not very effective.

Alrighty... I'm going to bed. Love you all! Have a beautiful week!

Love,
Steph

P.S. Ok, you all HAVE to go to Ashley's blog right away! She's got pictures of her new baby girl!!! (CUUUUUTE!!!!) http://aurorasmom.blogspot.com/

REVIEW: The Libertine

Director: Laurence Dunmore


Starring: Johnny Depp, John Malkovich, Samantha Morton and Rosamund Pike


Plot: Set in 17th Century England, we follow the story of John Wilmot (Depp) , also known as the Earl of Rochester. A bored, crude cynic, the perfect combination of a brilliant poet. King Charles II (Malkovich) banishes him for some reason I can't remember, then brings him back for... something. I guess to write plays? No he wanted him to write speeches for him. Well, whatever it was I don't remember seeing Mr. Wilmot partake in any of it. He did write a play though, I do remember that. How could I not with such... props? That's basically all I can really remember out of this film... references to you know what. (Not sure who all my readers are, so I'm going to try to keep this post at a G rated level!) I can't think of anything else to include in this summary because if I were to begin telling you about one thing, I'd have to explain another topic, then that would lead me to another... get it? TOO MANY THINGS! So let's just get to the review, shall we? :-)



Let me lay it out for you... I wanted to see this movie because of Johnny Depp. I attempted to understand it's plot because of Johnny Depp. I laughed at the film's lame humorous comments because of Johnny Depp. I kept myself awake in the theater because of Johnny Depp. I'm pretty sure that the only reason why this movie actually MADE it to the cinema was because of Johnny Depp. That's basically it. He was of course terrific. He's got the most talent I've ever seen in a man. (I LOVE talent... so nice... so lovely...!) How does he do it? There were about 6 women in the auditorium and every one of them were grasping their arm rests with feverish eyes as he was sitting in front of the screen, doing his prologue. It's abnormal, yet I can't resist. There's no ingnoring his vibe, his heavy... seductive vibe... phew.
Alright, so yea this movie was BORING! All this talk talk talk talk talking! About WHAT!? What on Earth was going on in this movie? The editing was SO choppy it was impossible to follow along. This may sound silly but it's practically true: All the men were named John! And I'm pretty sure I counted three different Elizabeths. What, did 17th century England only have FIVE names?? That bugged me for some reason.
The plot was extremely weak, and nothing followed through. You know how a movie's story is supposed to have a climax, and finish with everything tying together? Nothing like that here. Just one, looooooooong story of God knows what. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to look in a thesauras under the word dull, and I bet you every word they associate it to has the correct description of this movie. Here we go we've got blunt, deadened, stupid, tedious, uninteresting, boring, spiritless, tasteless, sluggish, listless, dim, cloudy, obscure, stale and jaded. Yep, pretty much! Except not necessarily tasteless. It had taste. I thought the art direction and costumes were pretty well done. Didn't people used to throw their pee buckets out onto the street during that time? I imagine things were PRETTY dirty back then. The art crew included just that. The men's wigs were ratty, the less proper women's dresses barely covered their own breasts and make-up was well thought out. So not a COMPLETE disaster, thankfully.
What else is there to say? Just don't waste your time on this one. Rent it when it comes out though, and watch the first two minutes. That's all you'll need, I promise you. "Ladies, an announcement...." Oh how you tempt me so... but still, choose a better movie Johnny boy. One that's a bit more tolerable. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go see just how many Depp movies we own, and watch them immediatley. :-)



Rating: 2/5

Ok, it's past midnight right now yet I'm wide awake. I just finished an outline for my research speech. I know I know I'm being a procrastinator. But the truth is I couldn't figure out my topic until about three hours ago!! I racked my brain no joke. I couldn't seem to think of anything suitable. Our teacher wants us to choose something that we can tie into a persuasive speech, which is what we'll be working on right after Spring Break. So I was trying to think along those lines. I came up with Reality Television. I don't deny that there are a few shows I find myself craving... (ahem... Amazing Race anyone?) Yet sometimes I get really annoyed at some of the ones they have out there, and just the fact that there are so MANY, and ALSO, some of this "reality" TV isn't so real ya know. Who the heck started up that one FAKE-butt show, Laguna Beach or whatever. Look I'm sorry I watched an episode of one of those, and if that's REAL, than I MUST be from another planet.
phew.... ok I've gotten that out, feel much better now. Anyway so yea, that's my toopic. Hope it goes well.
Alright soooo... taxes. The due dates coming up pretty soon, huh? Too bad I haven't the first clue on how to complete them. I was hoping that my wonderfully talented and intelligent brother would help me with them, but it seems that he's having some difficulty as well. Sheesh I don't want to go NEAR these papers. I took one look at the forms and my head ached for an hour.
So no movie reviews! I'm sorry everybody. Unfortunatley there just doesn't seem to be any quality films playing at the moment. HOWEVER there are two movies I have been anticapating for a few months now. One of them being V For Vendetta. I'm not exactly sure what the plot is but the preview looks extremely enticing. Love Natalie Portman ever since I saw... oh shoot what was it called... COME ON I READ THE BOOK!!!... Oh I can't remember but she gets locked in a Walmart and stuff GASP!! Where the Heart Is, THAT'S IT! hahah ok and then of course there is that new Johnny Depp movie (yummy...) coming out this Friday, The Libertine. I saw this preview a few months ago and was blown away by Johnny's intro. Have you seen it??? It's mouth watering... "Ladies, an announcement..." HOT HOT HOT. How does he do that...?
Speaking of announcements...Ashley's baby girl, Aurora, was born last Saturday!! I'm absolutely ecstatic for you, girl and am thinking of you constantly. I cannot wait to see Miss Aurora Elizabeth. I'll have to be careful though, I may turn into Lenny from Of Mice and Men.... I just love squeezing precious things! Anyway... yea SO HAPPY for you, babe.
Ok, can't think of anything else to write and it's probably a good idea for me to get under the covers. Love you all! Talk to you very soon. :-)

Love,
Steph

Salut mes gens!

Ok... haven't posted in quite awhile. Why? WAY too many things going on. School is still going well, but it's driving me nuts. We're about mid-week here, and it seems as if some sort of teacher announcement was made, saying, "Give as much homework to your students as possible!". I'm swamped in page reading, essay writing, map labeling, test studying... give us a break!!
phew.. ok I feel better now that I've gotten that out. Everything else is a-ok. Oh wait... yea my car wouldn't start a couple days ago after school. That's not a-ok. I took it in (more like it was towed in) to some shop nearby and HEY, five million dollars later the engine can start again, so yay.
I'm excited for Tim and his new job at the theater. Manager, wow. That's the coolest thing ever. You all should see him in his suit and tie. HOT! heehee I hope he's having fun with it. :-)
I wanted to thank Unka Shaina for the wonderful CD she sent to me. VERY SWEET! There are three songs on there that I just love. Of course, Here In Topeka is a favorite. It's so fun to listen to when I relate it with my aunt. Then there's Something in Red, which made me kind of choke up when she was talking about looking for something in blue! ADORABLE! Then for some reason I just love the song We Belong. I've heard it on the radio a few times, and I can barely understand what she saying in the versus but whenever she started up with the chorus I'd jam! (Whatever we deny or embrace for worse or for bettterrr, Weeeee belong, we beloong togetherrr...) FUN!!
Ok, I've got a date with John tonight. :-) :-) :-) maybe I should put some mascara on or brush my hair or something. Love you all!!!

Love,
Steph