REVIEW: Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest

Director: Gore Verbinski


Starring: Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, Keira Knightly, Jack Davenport, Bill Nighy, and Jonathan Pryce


Trailor: Dead Man's Chest


Plot: Octupus man Davy Jones has a chest. Everybody wants to get the chest. Why? Who knows, and is there anybody out there who cares?



Critique:
I'd hate to say it guys... no big deal. This movie was ok. Why I say that? Because it's a lot like any other adventure film out there, only this one was very expensive. I try to rate a movie by it's originiality, by it's attempt to really be authentic. I rate it by how much it covers ALL traits of filmaking. Plot/Screenplay, Musical Score, Art Direction, Cinematography, Character development, Computer Graphics, Stunts...etc. You can't just judge a movie by how good it looks, and THAT'S the mistake Pirates II made. This movie LOOKS amazing. Phenominal, really. But there ARE some missing traits. Let's take Star Wars episode IV as an example of a good movie. Doesn't matter if you're a Star Wars fan or not just listen. Here's a movie that used orchestra music during the disco 70's. Here's a movie that included a walking sasquatch, a beeping robot with feelings and a sword made of light. How ridiculous does that sound? How in the world did this movie win SIX Oscars and $798 million worldwide during its original theatrical release? Because Lucas said, "screw 'em." and created something completely and totally different then what the world had seen. Lucas and his team gave it their all, covered all aspects of a film, not even sure if they would be somewhat successful with the whole thing and look what happened. They rocked the box office. People were blown away by it's immense creativity. Not just Star Wars. How about movies like Pulp Fiction? The Godfather, Titanic, Dr. No, Fight Club, The Color Purple, Se7en, Shawshank Redemption, Casablanca, Schindler's List, Indiana Jones, Amadeus... oh I don't know Taxi Driver, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, Jaws, Aliens, Back to the Future, Gladiator, Braveheart... These are GOOD movies!! THESE are the BEST movies of all time. Can we all just calm down, and stop calling the Pirates series one of them?


Action. TONS of action that which made this film very fun and interesting to watch. No really, it was fantastic! However, a little TOO much action? Where were the characters? Where was the story? WHY the HECK are people looking for this chest?! What happened to the love story between Will and Elizabeth? It felt GONE. I involuntarily winced when they did their ONE kiss sequence. There was a major lack of chemistry between the two of them in this movie. If it weren't for the first one, I would never have guessed that they were in love. What else... OH! ok and as exhilirating as it was to watch all those fast paced fight sequences, not all of us ARE diagnosed with A.D.D. so I think it would have been ok to keep one shot on the screen for longer then 0.2 seconds... sheesh.


Graphics. Whoa big time awesome graphics in this flick. They did such a great job I totally just didn't even wonder what was fake and what wasn't. The antagonists or "bad guys" in Pirates II were cursed (again?) sea creatures or something I don't know. Davy Jones was a big ol' octopus with slimy tentacles reaching out of his face. Other crew had scales, starfish or sponges freaking stuck to their faces moving around and stuff. UGH. I seriously wanted to puke in the theater and my stomach is turning just now as I think about it. Very gross, and another reason why I was turned off by the film, truly. But you know what? That's seriously saying something about how well the team did in creating those images. So well done.


Pirates II is full of eye candy. The very beginning of this movie has Elizabeth Swan kneeling on a dock in the rain, dressed in a drenched wedding dress and a veil. It was a gorgeous image, but... can SOMEBODY please tell me what the heck she was doing there? Was she waiting to get married? Did Bloom Boy not show up? The wedding was "interrupted" but I have no recollection of the reasons why. Just what I was saying, this film LOOKS fantastic, but that's not ALL a film should be focusing on, alright?


Ok, ok I'm done complaining now. I don't mean to really, I was just disappointed in this movie and slowly grew pissed off the more I heard about how much people loved it. So... sorry. But alright I'm ready to get into some fun stuff. You all know what it is... Les Acteurs!



WooHoo! We've got out Depp in all his mascara back. There was nothing I didn't like about Depp in this film. SO funny...SO freaking hot. Look at his ensemble! Very impressive. Ooo! That was something good I forgot to mention about this flick. INCREDIBLE costumes. Truly. Ok but back to Depp... this man was my FIRST celebrity crush. I mean I fell in love with this man watching The Astronaut's Wife what seemed so long ago. How old was I like 11? I watching it all by myself at home, nearing the end right? My dad comes in from work and overhears Johnny say GASP! The F-word! sigh... so my dad turns it off and says I shouldn't be watching it. My lord you should have seen me. I stomped, pouted, screamed and cried at him for about half an hour. I actually remember saying to him, "You don't understand, daddy! I HAVE to watch him!!" Insane I know. No big deal though, I went back and finished watching it the next day... But anyway Johnny is one of those "proud" actors, you know? He doesn't waste time on commercial advertisements and is NEVER caught by the paprazzi. Sheesh he freaking moved to France to get away from all that. And I admire that about him. He uses himself sparingly, you know? So it's impossible for us to get sick of him. AND it can honestly be said that Johnny Depp is a GREAT actor. So versatile. I can easily see him play ANY role. Bravo Mr. Depp. Hey, does he get to keep that Pirate costume? Talk about role play... ;-)



Oh my god where has this guy BEEN?! I missed him. Mr. Bloom comes back full force in Pirates II and completely blows us all away with how brave and heroic he becomes, unlike the first one where he comes off as somewhat of a... um how should I say this really... princess? haha but no in my opinion HE was the star of this film. Look at him... do I really need to say anything more?




Whoa...hold the phone. Look at Norrington here! Jack Davenport my, my, my I didn't know you had it in you! What movie was it that I saw him in... OH! The Wedding Date. He was such a sissy too. Hah! And we all hated him in the first one. WHO knew he could be so ruggedly hot? Did NOT expect that and was extremely pleasantly surprised. The three boys got into a bit of a sword fight with eachother, and I seriously could not decide who I wanted to win. In fact I really didn't want them to stop... ever.







Keira Knightly. Ok no one ever heard of this girl until the first Pirates came out. Now she's all big and famous which was not surprising because I thought she did extremely well in her debut. But I've got to say she's falling on the scale. She's picked up some weird... manly, overly independent woman thing and it totally didn't fit with this sequel. I thought she was very sweet in the first, "independent" ok but much more woman/lady like. I don't know, the fact that her hair wasn't combed, and all of a sudden was a professional sword fighter just bothered me. Did not enjoy her performance at all. Harsh? Well maybe, but ok she was pulling a Tom Cruise! She's not playing her character ROLES anymore. I didn't see Miss. Elizabeth Swan, I saw tomboy Keira Knightly. (Loved her in Pride & Prejudice though.)




Bill Nighy plays the gross Davy Jones. Although I couldn't really look at his character in fear of vomiting all across my lap, I did rather enjoy his performance. And you know, I've enjoyed him in other things as well! Remember him in Love Actually? Funny. How about Underworld? Not so funny but still pretty cool. He's no Depp or Geoffrey Rush but definitley impressive nonetheless. Too bad no one can even tell who he is in the movie though.



I did enjoy the new characters brought into this film, as well as all the ones they brought back. That was another great aspect of the film. They literally brought EVERYONE back from the first Pirates. Very cool and really makes a big difference.


All around this movie had a very good feel to it. But the two words I probably only need to describe Pirates II: Pretty and Fun. Notice that "original" isn't in there however. Just felt I needed to point that out. But definitley watch this movie, because it IS entertaining. If anything it's not BORING, are you kidding me? Not with Depp and Bloom swinging their hair around for most of the flick anyway. (yummy.)

Rating: 3/5